Right, Arsenal, here’s the thing:
My the enjoyment levels of my weekend are significantly improved by you winning football matches. I know, I know, it seems silly for a grown man to have so much emotional investment in a collective of other grown men playing sport, but I’ve been doing this ‘supporting’ thing for longer than anything else in my life and it’s kind of ingrained into my personality and as such I cannot help myself. I love you Arsenal, I really do, and because of that, I really do need for you to turn up to that corner of the Midlands and put on a sporting performance that results in three points and more pressure on the other teams that are above us. I’m not going to name the teams – you and I both know who they are and that should be incentive enough to give everything against West Bromwich Albion and get the win that we desire.
I’m off out to a pub tonight for a birthday in West London and I could really do with going there with a happy feeling in my head and heart knowing that you have done the business and we have two home games coming up against Norwich and Everton where we could potentially close the gap to the ‘unmentionables’ above us in the league to just one point. Please don’t cock this up. Not that I think you will actually. You’ve been playing well recently and, dare I say it, last weekend you had an extra bit of swagger about you like the old days. Do you remember those? Boy were you stunner. You’d stop others dead in their tracks. You didn’t even care what others thought. You just breezed by them with an air of confidence that was so delightful to see as a lover of what you are. But even before you had that swagger, you’ve had class, and you knew how to grind out results. I know we won’t get back to that after a few games, but you can at least lay the foundations for getting back to that by finishing this season with your ‘swag-o-meter’ on full blast. It would give people like me a real boost and hope for the future.
I don’t know what sort of knocks you’re carrying, what your state of mind today will be, or even how you will set yourself up. But I hope you play with the same team that has been so good and on form recently. That Rosicky fella should probably start and I also think it might be worthwhile playing that crazy skinny-legged massive foreheaded dude Gervhino too – yes, I know he would trip over his own shadow if he could, but that unpredictability could be an advantage. And of course, if it isn’t working by the halfway point, you could always haul him off.
You’ve got to be up for this today Arsenal. IT’s no good just one part of you being up for this, you need all sums of your parts to be ready for these ‘Baggies’. Their recent form belies the team that they are and I think they will be wanting to prove a point that their recent form is not who they are and what they are capable of. they’ve got a bit of a bruiser at the sharp end of themselves in Lukaku and he’ll throw his weight around, but at least that mental ‘I don’t want to play with you any more some I’m going to have a tantrum and pick the ball up and kick it at you before I walk off’ chap Mulumbu is suspended. They’ll have other threats like Long who will run his arse off all day and you’ll need to be mindful of Brunt’s set piece delivery, but if you show all of the desire and strength of – dare I say it – mental character that you did on your recent day trip to Wales, I’m hopeful that you won’t get your nose bloodied.
This game is very important today because you’ll get the chance to leapfrog over the oil whores if you do the business. They don’t play until tomorrow so laying down a marker like this will be all important. There are some potato-based Spuds that would also probably not like it should you achieve your objectives, as it will make the ‘gap’ quite narrow for them to mind I have to say.
Anyway, you know what I’m after and I have many of my kinsmen that would also fancy a victory, so if you could just do this small thing for me, that would be great.