Forget hyperbole of Wayne Rooney being ‘back’ after he scored a hat trick against an underwhelming Club Brugge yesterday evening, today is all about the Group Stage proper and finding out who we’ll see rocking up at the Emirates from Seltember.

We’re in Pot 2, which means that we’ll certainly not face Real Madrid, Porto, Atletico, Valencia or Leverkusen, but it does mean we’ll get one of the ‘big boys’.

I say ‘big boys’, but whilst Pot 1 features league winners like Chelski, Barcelona, Bayern and PSG, it also has Benfica, Zenit and PSV, so there’s an outside chance we could still be favourites for the group even though we’re not seeded as one of the best any more.

The seeding is a bit farcical anyway, because it effectively guarantees teams like from leagues where most of the opposition are cannon fodder every weekend, a seat at the top table and a status that doesn’t really befit them. I’d wager it’s a lot harder to finish third in the Premier League than it is to top the Portuguese Super Lig, or whatever the devil they call it. But I guess “Them’s is the rules” and we have to abide by them.

I fancy us to get Bayern or PSV again. That seems to be the standard in the Champions League, that you play teams that you feel like you play every year. A decent draw of teams we’ve hardly ever played would be Benfica, Lyon and BATE Borisov, but I suspect we’ll end up with a group of death including Barcelona, Roma and Wolfsburg. Hey, at least we could all hail the return of The Lord so that would be something to all get our ceremonial pray mats out over.

The draw will happen at 4.45pm UK time, which probably means the UEFA doors will open at midday and much padding will ensue. Pointless ceremonies for all not there, but I’d imagine if you get to go, it beats a day at the office. Maybe I’m just bitter.

What I’m not bitter about, however, is the fact that I get to head up north tomorrow evening to spend the weekend with the in-laws. They just happen to live in Newcastle so hey, the coincidence is welcome by this here Gooner. 

We’ll probably get Arsène’s press conference today, because he and the team are hitch-hiking their way up to the St James’ Sporting Direct Arena of Wonga @ Newcastle stadium, which is why he has to do his pre-match press conference early. Per and Cech are already walking along the A1 looking to flag down a big enough, empty enough bus with which to pile in to. It’s because they’ve got the longest arms and thumbs, you see.

The big news will be on who is available and whether we’ll get another dose of Chambers and Gabriel. If we do get that confirmation, I’d expect them to be better for their second half performance, but I would of course rather see at least one of our Big German or Bart Simponsesque Frenchman available. Monday night showed us the importance of that experience and even if Big Per is available (which I would suspect would see Chambers drop to the bench instead of Gabriel), I think his calming influence would be well felt at the back, despite what some of the naysayers say about him.

I don’t get it you know. The whole ‘Per is sh*t’ rubbish I mean. He’s not blessed with pace, can be cumbersome at times, but he’s been a solid defender since he arrived at the club and his positional sense and organisation of his teammates is an important part of his game that gets overlooked. Just because he isn’t making ‘Hollywood tackles’ – if there is such a thing – doesn’t mean that he isn’t adding value to the team. People need to spend more time watching the play and less time watching and listening to the pundits methinks.

Anyway, hopefully he’s back and hopefully the problem with Koscienly is a short term issue, because we could do without him being sidelined for a prolonged period of time.

We could also do with more goals, something that dear old Mesut has said he’s going to do this season, by being more selfish. By all means my old mukka, if you could just rifle a few more in when you’re put through rather than square the ball, that’d be grand. But as long as Özil continues to dictate games like Crystal Palace away and the second half at Liverpool, then that’ll do too, because he’ll create plenty of chances for others to fluff up. I’m kidding! Jeez, don’t get all touchy and sensitive, ok?

That’s all there is for now. We wait with baited breath on both Le Boss’s words and our Champions League fate. Let’s hope it’s not one that will have us rueing our luck.