In case of emergency, break glass

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Gentlemen, thank you for coming here today at such notice, particularly given that this is our supposedly quietest time in the year. I appreciate your speedy response. But I must stress this with the utmost importance: the nature of the situation we’re in does not allow for any back slapping or cosy catch-ups.

Gentlemen, we’re at DEFCON 2 here. Johnson, did you bring the tactical response manual?


Yes sir, but…

WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR COMMITTEE DECISIONS HERE JOHNSON. We have to act and act with the swiftest of responses. Do you understand?


Yes sir, but I really think that we should…

DAMMIT JOHNSON! HAND ME THAT MANUAL NOW OR YOU WILL BE REMOVED OF YOUR DUTY!

(Hands across a dusty, red leather bound book that looks like it hasn’t seen daylight for an age. The man in charge swipes at the book and glares back at his compatriot, who quickly shuffles back to his place around the table of other men in suits. The man in charge looks down and, if you were to catch sight of him for just a split second, fear could almost be seen as he stares down)

Gentlemen, I don’t want this, I’ve never wanted this. In my tenure running this operation I never thought I’d NEED this. But we are out of options. When I open this manual and give you institutions, I need your words – all of you – that you will carry out these instructions verbatim. Are we all in agreement?

(A collective of nodding and mumbling of agreement ripples out amongst those present in the room)

Good. Here goes then. May God have mercy on us all.

(The man in charge tears open the paper seal that protects the book from opening and ensures that it has not been previously tampered with. The silence in the room makes the tension grow. You can see the anxiety amongst the attendees is so visible you feel like you could cut the air with a knife. The man in charge slumps his shoulders slightly. He reaches down into the book he’s holding and unclips a small brass key. He walks to the corner of the room where a huge frame of the recently departed chairman stands, fumbling at the edges of the picture until he finds a mechanism that he pulls, with a ‘click’ sound that starts the motion of opening the secret compartment behind the picture.

The entire room is now in an even more stunned silence than before.

The man waits until the picture has opened by about 45 degrees and stopped before he reaches inside to the opened wall deposit box. He grasps at something with both hands and returns back to where he was originally standing at the head of the table)

Anderson, take this.

(The man hands another gentlemen a small disposable camera)

This is the only answer I’m afraid gentlemen. Anderson, I need you to take this to the stadium. On your way there, contact the ground staff and get them to begin the cutting of the grass. When you get to the stadium, take as many pictures as you can. Jones – I need you to come up with some content, something that will link with the pict…


But sir, we can’t do this! Do you have any idea what stage we’re at now with the supporters? They’re practically going insane as it is right now, if we put something on the official website about the grass at the ground being cut, there will be pandemonium. It’ll be a Twitter meltdown of epic proportions. They want Rooney or Higuain and they’ll get pictures of industrial grass cutters? We’ll never survive the backlash – it will be worse than the time we invented that media watch page.

THANK…..you for your feedback Johnson. I fully understand the gravity of the situation here, but quite frankly people, we are out of options. We are not responsible for the acquisition of football playing staff. We all know who has that remit and short of demanding that he act – and I’m happy for any of you here present today to volunteer to tell him to do so – then we have to do whatever we can in our power to keep the hungry, salivating masses, visiting our website. That is our domain, that is where we can have an impact, and so that is where we are going to act. Do I have any further questions?

(The stunned silence remains)

**********
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the inside scoop on why we got pictures of the grass cutting yesterday afternoon. As you can tell, I’m clearly the most ITK’y person in the whole wide world. Trust me.

Until tomorrow.

Silenter than Silent Stan in a library

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It’s so very quiet. It’s quieter than Silent Stan reading a book in a library whilst wearing a carpenters mask to stop heavy breathing from permeating through the atmosphere. It’s more quiet than ‘The Lane‘. That’s how quiet it is.

I think there was some stuff that resurfaced about Nani joining us yesterday and that has bobbed to the surface again today. It’s funny, it does feel like Arsenal transfer surfaces are like a barrel of Granny Smith’s in a pale of water. You push one down and it disappears for a minute or two, only to push two others aside and float right into the middle again. We had the Nani stuff in January, so it’s decided to bob to the surface in place of the Jovetic story, which will probably resurface in a week or so unless any deals are done.

Personally, I’m not sure about Nani, either us signing him or him being any success. He’s a skilful player, but he looks to me like the type of player that can go missing in some games, hence why United aren’t too reluctant to let him go. Mind you, if he was a like-for-like replacement for Gervhino, then there wouldn’t be too many Gooners that would complain. There’s no doubt Nani would be better in that wide man role than the Ivorian. Plus, at least he knows what he’s doing half the time, which is more than we can all say about our King of Forehead’s.

There’s literally nothing going on today. Nowt. Not even a ‘Johan Djourou has returned to Arsenal and he’s decided to give us another Arsenal.com exclusive’. Like I said the other day, I hope it’s the calm before the storm, but we’ve had this before, so there is inevitably a bit of anxiety amongst Arsenal fans as to whether we’ll see the stellar signing we a want. I am still hopeful it will happen.

Right, no point filling in any more of this blog space with empty words, so I might as well play Football Manager on my iPhone. I’ve got a Bundesliga with Bayern Munich to win.

I like you..come with me Isco on this self sustaining dream

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Hi All,

*I have a few announcements*

I’d like to admit, I was very impressed with Ivan Gazidis at the AST meeting – First and foremost the whole arrangement reflects very well on the club. Ivan was open and honest, well, as honest as he could be… Look at it from his point of view. He doesn’t pick the team, has has no real control over the football issues at Arsenal. He is a businessman. He’s then thrust into a very difficult position..?thrown head first into the lion’s den, left to fight off the hungry lions, with only a pie at his disposal…He’s asked questions about who are we going to sign ? Why was ‘he’ allowed to leave the club ? Arsene is the man who needs to be asked these questions.

Arsene, rightly or wrongly, has become the figurehead of the club – From youth development, all the way up to the first XI. He controls the finances, the fee he feels is relevant for said player, how much he wants to pay said player. Ivan has to defend him when things don’t go to plan. It’s clear to see Arsene does to much and he needs help. But saying that, the clear message from the meeting: If Arsene doesn’t spend, and things don’t improve next season, it’s his fault and no one else’s. Everyone else has done what they can… Ivan I doffed my cap..

The only major skepticism I did have with Ivan at the AST was, he tried to compare Arsenal to Bayern Munich. Which he did on several occasions. The Bavarian club and us can’t be compared for many reasons, but I can understand his reasoning. Are dreams are very similar. What completely sinks that idea is the fact they are light years ahead of us on the self-sustaining journey. (As mentioned at the meeting) The obvious dream is for our club to reach in excess of £300m turnover, which would well and truly cement us as an elite club. But, before we all start doing backflips, Ivan did mention – ‘wait two years and we’ll be doing what Bayern are doing’. I’m more than happy to wait and see if we get there. Hopefully we can walk off into the sunset with our champions league trophy aloft… #Excited

Meanwhile back to reality and not to distant future – ‘The summer of fun’ and the ‘£70m War Chest’ we have begrudgingly ahead of us. I’ve had to re-write this paragraph several times and I have still failed rrying to explain how important the summer is. Ive come to the conclusion its nearly impossible. so I’ve come up with this.The club talks about having ambitions, to be an elite club. But having ambitions, and showing ambition is a completely different entity. We will see what direction the club has decided to go in once the transfer window slams shut (it does that for dramatic effect). Arsene has spent large amounts before, people seem to forget that. He just hasn’t moved with the times regarding transfer fees, so will our leopard finally change his spots ?

- Is this Arsene’s last throw of the dice ? We’d like to hear your thoughts…

I’ve found myself getting very protective about the money and possible transfer targets. Hearing we ‘activated Fellaini’s release clause’ makes my stomach churn (No, I’m not a fan). The real possibility of us spending ‘proper money’ is a real shock…it must be a hilarious misunderstanding, surely ?

What do we need then I hear you ask ? “..calm down in the front row !”

..Raise your hand if you know what this Arsenal team needs ? …the victor, the spoils of..
…250 ‘Ben Points’….

…If you answered – a solid spine. Give yourself a pat on the back…

Our major issue from last season – Our best eleven on paper, was not necessarily our best eleven on the pitch (If that even makes sense). The major conundrum being Jack Wilshere and Santi Cazorla playing in the same side at the same time. As I wrote in a previous blog, Jack is not only one of the best midfielders at the club, but also in the county (Is including Europe pushing it? *turns nose up*) What we discovered throughout the season, well for the period Jack was fit, he doesn’t ‘improve’ the team (with Santi in it) – I do feel he makes us more vulnerable defensively. The fact is, currently we have a better ‘number 10′. When Jack is selected, I should say fit. Cazorla is moved out wide to accommodate our future captain – Thus making Santi, as useful as a chocolate teapot. To add more fuel to the fire, Jack operating behind the striker, he is very prone to leaving Giroud very isolated for very long periods of time. You can argue it takes two to tango but, with a better balanced team, it would simply perform at a higher level. To look at Giroud as an isolated case – I don’t think he is the quality of striker we should have as our first and only realistic choice.

If you look at those two issues alone, plus a large dose of common sense – Our shopping list should be as follows: a striker, a wing forward, and a defensive midfielder. Those three players would drastically improve the team as a whole. But when has Arsene ever done things by the book…Unless he is the author ?

To think about a major issue with the team, that’s been like a gaping chasm since Lehman left, a goalkeeper – We’ve needed a goalie for so long it’s basically been bordering on neglect! But do I want a keeper signed for ‘real’ money? I don’t think I do *hides*…I think the absinthe has found a new host…sorry. It’s partly down to other areas that are currently more important. But also, I believe Chesney is good enough to be our number one. He just needs time. If the team improves, so will his performances..,

So what will Arsene try to achieve this summer? …Firstly he needs to go and buy a new phone charger. Gab Marcotti must be seriously pissed by now…

Will Arsene try to get his high quality football back – ‘WengerBall’ ? If he added to those three positions in the starting XI, as mentioned above, we’d have a winning formula. I’m interested to see what type of player he will go for. Because I think it will say a lot about where he sees himself in the not to distant future. Lots of reports saying he is going to spend a lot of money. But will he do that on experienced players or players he needs to mould ? A kind of hash on ‘project youth’ just more guaranteed talents. As I’ve already mentioned above Ivan said wait two years until we are doing what Bayern are doing. So would it make more sense to acquire more Podolski-esque transfers. So the team can learn and grow together. So when the team is ready to push on rather than vice versa. Or is that too long term ? That feels like a strange thing to say, some fans want instant success, others understand time is needed, some have just had enough. But we all have to realise at the end of the day, you can’t always flog a dead horse – am I sounding too idealist!? *stares into the mirror and sees Arsene staring back*

I haven’t decided what MY ideal summer would be, because I don’t think he isn’t going to buy 5-6 high quality players. Which is another issue within its self… *palm to face*

If we did spend the money correctly could it stretch? And would it be enough to help us challenge ? Or is that the wrong way to look at it ? Lets play football manager for a second… *guestamation alert* – Rooney for £23m, Thiago £18m, Lars Bender £12.2m (release clause) = £53.2m… *opens the till* Cash back! Surely a perfect summer ? We could all sip *insert beverage of choice* kick back and enjoy the rest of our summers if we do all of the above…Will the man with the cheque book make the correct decisions for the team to progress ? Nobody knows what’s going to happen, things change every hour of every day. Keep in mind when Nasri moved to Manchester City, the morning of the transfer, it was ‘dead’, and looked where he ended up…

On a sidenote – My crazy dream summer would be – Rooney, El Shaarawy, Gundogan, Isco. Let me know what and who yours would be…

As I mentioned above Ivan said we would have to wait ‘two years’ before we are doing what Bayern are doing…I assume he means the whole package, but, if we’re going to just discuss transfer fees spent (for example – €40m on Javi Martinez) Looking at it if Arsene’s trying to build a team that’s going to dominate Europe – signing Fellaini isn’t the Answer. If he wants more success in the league and cups signing Felliani and Wayne Rooney is the answer. I’d personally like to see him tweak ‘project youth’, buying young guaranteed talent – Isco, Thiago, El Shaarawy i.e. someone who is insanely talented, but has room to grow, someone Arsene can mould, would be ideal. I’ve also been very impressed with Illaramendi, if you don’t know him, he plays for Real Sociedad and the Spanish u21 side. He is a prospect. He has a first touch like silk. His natural ability and his intelligence is very attractive to watch, always looking to cover..you guessed it, he’s a defensive midfielder…what more can I say…

When this dream finally becomes a reality – Self sustainability, I’d like us to be in a position where we have a strong team. But, at the end of every season we could be looking at signing a £30m player (or whatever the ridiculous price tag is). I’m not just focusing on the price tag, but that über quality of player to bolster our ranks. Somewhere we are nowhere near currently, which leaves me a little sad to be honest…

I sound really confused and disjointed, because I am quite frankly. When I think about this subject, thoughts swirl around my head. Will Arsene spend the money ? Will Arsene break the bank ? Will Arsene even sign a new contract ? Will Arsene strengthen the defensive side of the team even further to give, say Chamberlain a crack at the being Arsenal’s number 10 ? Will I ever miss an episode of the Gooner girls podcast *slaps my self* concentrate boy-o…

For me, the last two seasons have been so poor – especially the quality of the football. This sounds mad, but us spending £70million won’t win us the league (in my opinion), We finished 16 points behind the eventual league winners (I don’t like to mention there name *blows a raspberry*). Arsene and Arsenal football club have 7 million reasons why they have to get this summer right this summer, our at least take a major step forward… I’m out of here..

Cheers for reading,

Be happy,

Ben

Everything in Chips’ basket, but status quo has been observed

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So, it looks like we’re putting all of our Chips into one Chairman’s basket, eh?

Yep, that’s the best I can come up with on a hurtling Met line train on a Friday afternoon. I’ll finish this blog on the Saturday but I thought I’d pen some thoughts as they crystallise in my cranium now, then take stock tomorrow (what will be today by the time you’re reading this – man my brain is overworked – even that description is causing me to furrow my brow in confusion) about the appointment of a new Chairman. I’ll come to Sir Chips Keswick shortly. But first, the outgoing chairman.

The Hill-Woods have been an ever-present since the Herbert Chapman days. There has been a Hill-Wood in the boardroom at Arsenal since 1927 and the current master of that name has been in the role since the year of my birth. It’s a heck of an innings. And in some way, it does make you proud as an Arsenal fan that the club can trace its heritage so clearly in such a manner, that there has been this link to the past, a consistency unseen at any other football club.

So for that I think we must all acknowledge and respect that Peter Hill-Wood and his father Samuel before him are Arsenal through-and-through.

Peter Hill-Wood had his stewardship in an era where football went from a decent pastime that you could never make any money in (I think those were his words to David Dein when he sold his shares for nominal figures), to an international, multi-million, commercially driven beast that from a financial perspective, looks nothing like the football club that Hill-Wood took the reigns of.

He’s also presided over a recent era where social media and levels of fan engagement have exploded beyond belief. He has found that these advancements in technology have allowed more people to have more opinions all of the time. And in that sense, he’s been found wanting, of that there can be no doubt. I don’t blame the guy. It’s obvious that an old Etonian wouldn’t take to the Twittersphere and attempt to ham it up as the Tony Fernandes of The Arsenal, but when he did venture into the public domain via one of his preferred media outlets, what it showed was a chairman at odds with the majority of fans. And when he did come face to face with fans, there was the occasional moment when you really did wonder whether or not he should have been wheeled out at all, particularly the whole “thank you for your interest in our affairs” statement.

I’ve been quite vocal on this blog about PHW and what use he is to the club at times with some of the comments that he made, but I can certainly respect that he is an Arsenal man through and through. He’s kind of like that embarrassing great-uncle that always says inappropriate things, but because he’s family you roll your eyes and hope that somebody can have a word and make him pipe down, but you kind of love him anyway. I wouldn’t say I love Peter Hill-Wood, but more the fact that he represented a bit of Arsenal’s history.

He’s being replaced by a man who sounds like he’d be more at home wearing a red blazer, beige trousers, trying relentlessly to ‘fight the ban’ whilst riding his noble steed Socrates, than being Chairman of a football club. Sir Chips Keswick is a name that will give the blogging and social media community hours and hours of material as time goes by, so we need to be grateful of that for sure. But once again, I have to churn out my favourite line to describe the Arsenal board: The Old Boys Club have decided to keep the status quo by appointing one of their own rather than a bit of fresh and new blood. Sir Chips is 73 years old, so just the four years younger than Peter Hill-Wood and, with concerns that the board needs a bit of fresh young blood in it, this appointment felt more like what happened with the Catholic Church a few years ago when they appointed Pope Benedict XVI to replace Pope John-Paul II. The Cardinals could have opted for a much younger and probably longer term Pope, but they decided instead to appoint a Pope that would last just eight years before stepping down for health problems. They could have gone for a young Cardinal, but the status quo had to be observed and so they appointed an older one who shocked the world earlier this year by stepping down. That’s what we’ve got with our Chairman. No real long-term custodian of the club, just an interim man.

I suppose I shouldn’t really be too fussed about this appointment really (even though I appreciate that I’ve spent an entire blog talking about it!), because let’s face it, the role of Chairman is a ceremonial role anyway. He doesn’t have any influence of the playing staff or footballing side, he doesn’t get involved in the commercials, nor does he own the club. He’s purely a red-tape cutter when there’s a statue to be involved. So in a sense I guess it doesn’t really make any real difference. My only hope is that Sir Chips can deliver better soundbites to the press that don’t have us crying into our Cheerio’s when we wake up in the morning to see what Arsenal news is knocking around. The real change that needs to happen is that we get more younger representation (and possibly some ex-players?) on the board to at least give the outside world the impression that we have a board that understands football, understands the fans and is happy to engage with them. When that will happen I’m not so sure, but I guess that’s one of those ‘wait and see’ things.

Elsewhere there isn’t really anything else going on I’m afraid. Andre Santos doesn’t want to come back from Gremio, but we didn’t want him back, so he’ll have to be one of those Arsenal players that gets left at the front door in a cardboard box saying ‘free Brazillians’ on it. Someone’s already picked up one, so let’s hope that someone else takes this one off our hands.

Peace out hombres.

The Dick Law hotlines

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Silence. Not a thing.

Well, Gervhino being linked to Marseille is one I guess. They have confirmed he fits the profile and that they’d consider a bid. He’s had a couple of years at the club and despite lulling us into this false hope that he could be a Pires’esque wide man that scores goals for fun when making his friendly debut for Arsenal a couple of years ago, he’s never really made that step up.

He’s a very strange player. Unpredictable beyond words. I think the phrase ‘from sublime to ridiculous’ was designed for him. At times we’ve seen a player that can be clinical – the goal against Chelski at home pops right into my mind – yet also farcical. For references see Bradford away. He doesn’t always seem to know what his body is going to do and, if I’m completely honest, sometimes when he beats his man I often think he’s a little surprised himself. So for us fans looking on, it’s a real frustration.

The dust has now well and truly settled on the 2012/13 season and it’s really hard for me to place Gervhino’s season. Was it a success? Undoubtedly no, but was it really that much of a failure? I mean, he did bag a few goals early on, went away to the AFCON and came back in a little bit of form which even saw a few Gooners say he should keep his place. at least for a few games anyway. there wasnt a soul saying that in early December. He had an absolutely shocking part of the season just before he disappeared for international duty, so much so that I remember on more than one occasion questioning whether he should be let loose in an Arsenal shirt again. And I know I’m not the only one.

So would I sell or would I keep? Would i stick or would i twist. Gamble or take the washing machine, VHS video player, set of candlesticks and NES computer console? I guess for me this would be one of those Football Manager style assistant manager comments of “…generally considered a decent back up and should be sold if a good offer comes in”. After all, we have Rosicky, Podolski, Oxlade-Chamberlain who can all play wide left, so we’re not short of options. If Marseille came in with a half-decent offer that approaches the £10million odd we paid for him, I’d probably say take it. Something about the £8million mark would probably work. It would also free up some space in that position to perhaps bring forward someone like Gnabry into the first team as a back up behind the players I mentioned above. The addition money bought in can be used to add to the bulging transfer wallet Arsene has to bring in a promising youngster if he wants (providing we see a ‘finished article’ style player or two first mind).

Apart from that, all’s pretty quiet on the Western front. I don’t know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Are deals being wrangled? Is Dick Law sat in his office with five different phones (one for each language) making and receiving calls with all of the energy of the Duracell Bunny? He’s got a host of hotlines from the outside world and he’s waiting for those agents from all over the world to come rolling in. Or perhaps it’s more like a deli counter. You know, take one of those paper tickets that look a little like a curved rocket ship and are dispensed from a circular thing on the counter. Maybe he’s got one of those outside his office. Hopefully he’s got the appropriate white mesh hat and apron, in case an agents excitement over a move that might actually happen appeals to Dick. No, this is my illusion, and I’m going to go with a plethora of hotlines. Each one spaced equidistant from each other around a completely circular oak desk with a hole in the middle – like a doughnut. And the only way to get into the seat in the middle is by pulling a candlestick in the corner of his office and disappearing into a shoot underneath where the candlestick stands, only to reappear from under the ground in the middle of the circular oak desk whilst sitting in his big leather chair – morphing up from the ground.

Or is it just that the whole footballing world are currently on their hollibobs? Don’t know. One things for sure, when we hit 1st July, I hope there are some concrete noises relating to transfers coming in and out of the club, because otherwise we’ll see a bit of Twitter meltdown.

Let’s just hope we’re in the eye of the storm before it all goes crazy. Perhaps we should all be embracing the calm. Enjoying the lack of activity and being contemplative over a season past. Or perhaps people are going mental because there’s no football to watch or talk about. I’ll let you be the judge.

Good ol’ Olly, bye-bye Nicky, hi-hi Fellaini?

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I do like Olly Giroud you know. There’s a chap who stands behind me at the games and he just completely ignores the idea that you should pronounce his name without a ‘D’ sound at the end of it to make yourself seem more cosmopolitan and, after the first couple of weeks where I took the Michael a little bit and he did it more with a smile on his face, I have actually got used to the way he says it and even given the man himself a more English sounding first name. Yeah, Olly Giroud with an emphasis on the ‘D’.

Let’s face it, his style and play is a bit more akin to the old fashioned British centre forward that we used to see 20 or 30 years ago. He holds the ball up well, has shown strength against some of the more meatier centre halfs in the league and by and large I think he’s acquitted himself quite well. 17 goals and a hatful of assists is certainly nothing to be sniffed at. He’s also added that element of aesthetically pleasingness for the female followers of The Arsenal, so overall you have to say he’s had a good start to his career.

Sure, he could have scored a few more goals, taking a bit of time to bed in before netting his first, but when you read his latest soundbites from the official site, you can see that he’s had quite a steep learning curve. The disappearance of that Dutch Bloke from our ranks was never going to be felt with a like-for-like replacement, but in Olly we have a guy that brings others into play with his ability to hold up the ball, which has probably also helped to spread the goals around the team a bit more. I thought that spell of three games towards the end of the season where he was suspended really showed his value. Poldi did ok, scored some and made an assist or two, but he didn’t give us that ability to take pressure off the defence when we were under the kosh a bit. It’s a bit of a shame that Arsene and his medical staff aren’t experimenting Frankstein-style by making a hybrid of the two. Olly’s hold up play and physical presence coupled with Poldi’s natural born killer instinct in front of goal. Maybe they are?

He’s ‘bigged up’ our chances of a title tilt next season if we get a strong early winning run going and, whilst it’s not something new to know, it’s good to see the players have that mindset to get going from the off. Although I have to say a lot of it will depend on the fixture list itself. Playing United, Chelski and Liverpool away in the first five or six games will make it more of a challenge to go on an early winning run, but if we did get over those hurdles early, it would set us up fantastically for the rest of the season. Swings and roundabouts and all that. I guess we can talk more about fixtures and thoughts when they come out in a few weeks time.

I also thought his comments about the players he’s now playing with being better, which has meant he’s had to adapt and be better even in training, was also interesting. Yes, he’s was in a title winning side in Montpellier the season before last, but you only have to look at the position Montpellier finished last year – ninth – to see that they were a team that just managed to go on a fantastic run and keep that going, a la Newcastle two seasons ago. The only difference between the two situations is that the Premier League is infinitely more competitive, seen by the fact it still draws the biggest crowds and audiences worldwide as a collective. So I say a big ‘well done’ to that newly adopted English sounding Frenchman Olly GirouD.

That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be looking at another striking option, I must hasten to add, and I think we will be over the next month or two. And that won’t be any ‘Like a New Signing’s either. Nik Bendtner may be temporarily back with Arsenal, but he’s already stated that Arsenal have accepted five offers for his services and he’ll need to make a decision over the next couple of weeks. It’s a shame that a career that appeared to be going in the right direction plummeted so dramatically, with the rumours I’ve read suggesting Arsenal would part with as little as £3million for a player who has the confidence of Ronaldo, but is light years away in terms of his actual real life ability. And how about the quotes attributed to him, eh? Making statements that you’ve got to take two steps backwards (I.e. play for a team lower down a league) to move three forward isn’t exactly going to be the kind of talk the fans of your new club will want to hear. But I guess that’s what you get with Nicky B; an ambitious player who thinks he should be dining at the top table. If you’re taking a punt on him, then you know what you’re getting so there should hardly be any surprises if he is successful and wants to move after a couple of years.

The other stuff that’s knocking around at the moment unsurprisingly delves into the murky would of transfer speculation, rumour and conjecture. Supposedly Fellaini has told ‘friends’ he’d love to play for Arsenal and live in London. Personally, as I’ve already said, I don’t think this will happen. His £24million price tag doesn’t sound like the sort of money we’d shell out for Fellaini and if he becomes available, there’s a Cesc Fabregas in the offing for £1million more, so that’s why I don’t think Arsenal will act on the fuzzy-haired Belgian. I think that’s why the club sometimes seems to dither. if yoi think your top target is on the verge of becoming available, you’re hardly going to dip into the second and third choice pots, are you? Yes, we can buy more than one £25million player, but I suspect we’d be looking at two, tops. If that is the case, surely the club should be looking at one creative midfielder and one striker in the £25million mould, no? We all know we need three, maybe four signings, but the Gooners I’ve spoken to all seem to also know that we won’t be spunking £100million. So there is a part of me understanding why the club seem to be making a few enquiries but nothing concrete yet.

Anyway, that’ll do for one morning, laters potatoes.

Episode XXV: a New (Cesc) Hope and the saga continues

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Allo allo allo you lovely lot. Hopefully you’re in fine fettle at the midway point in the week. I’m not too bad, considering I find myself hurtling at a rate of knots towards work in the heart of the smog, maybe I’m in some sort of tired daydream or something. An illusion of ‘okayness’ bought about by an early night, albeit with an early start.

Anyway, what shall we natter about today then my friends? The news that Cesc says he’s ‘living the dream’? Do you know, the last time I heard that it was when Burnley were in the Premier League. I was sat in my old seat in Block 3, I think, and the guy about five seats to my right had bought a mate that was clearly a Burnley fan with his shirt underneath. Of course, the first time they got into our half he jumped up and was suitably chastised by the home fans for cheering whilst sitting in the home end. Inexplicably though, he decided that he was going to start gesturing to the home support – of which he was sufficiently outnumbered to the point where even David would have turned his back on that particular Goliath – and start shouting ‘living the dream’, of course that went down like a lead balloon amongst the Arsenal faithful.

Turns out the ‘dream’ nominally lasts around 20 minutes. The. You get surrounded by stewards and escorted off the premises. I really don’t understand why people do that. I’ve sat in home fans sections whilst I’ve watched Arsenal (admittedly not for a while now that I can get away tickets in the Arsenal away fans section a little easier) and it’s just the unwritten rule that if you’re behind enemy lines, you don’t jump up and down when something positive happens to your team, let alone wear the colours of the away team even if it’s below your jacket. The best you can hope for, depending on who you are playing, is a quite clench and gentle fist pump when The Arsenal bag a goal. Quite what the bloke though would happen after he had baited the crowd is still a mystery to me to this day. He’d probably have paid a lot of money to sit there, so to through that away for 20 minutes of action and a bit of what he might call ‘banter’ is beyond me.

So, about that whole ‘living the dream’ thing. If I can try and make some sort of metaphorical link to my Burnley fan to the case of the Cesc saga, I’d say we’re in about minute 13 of it. There’s probably a few more ‘living the dream’ quotes the Spaniard could churn out on Catalan biased stations, but after a while people will start to suspect something again regardless of what he says. Lets just hope the stewards usher Cesc out of the Catalan doors and into the waiting and loving arms of Arsene. One things for sure, we ain’t heard the last of this. Let’s just consider what was said for a second. Cesc was quoted as saying he’s happy in Catalonia. I’m sure he is to an extent. He has family, he’s where he grew up and he has many ties to his club. But he’s also 26 years old and is of sufficient quality to expect to be a regular starter. Yet he still remains the heir apparent to Xavi, with his Spanish compatriot seemingly looking good enough for at least a couple more years at the club. That would take Cesc to 28 and most likely, if he hasn’t established himself as a number one, wanting to depart the shores where he was birthed. We always hear about how a footballers career is short, so why would you want to Squillaci yourself, when you clearly have plenty of suitors across Europe who would come knocking if it was clear you wouldn’t be the main man.

I’m no footballer. And I’m no genius. And I’m certainly no mind reader. But if I’ve thought about this, don’t you think it’s crossed his mind too? So that being the case, whilst I don’t know for certain whether we could get him or not this season, I’m pretty sure he’s not 100% happy about getting bench time. He’s not Alex Song. Yet his place on the bench sometimes means that he has to sit next to the Cameroonian and compare himself to the man. He wants to be loved. He would get more love away from Barca and into the warm embrace of Arsenal fans. I suspect he’ll get a hell of a lot of game time too. And if he headed back to these shores, I think he’d have had a bit of that ‘BarcaDNA’ we all heard about two summers ago, burned off a bit and re-healed as ‘ArsenalDNA’. It would probably give us more cause to hope that the team can be built around the maestro again. Imagine being given the opportunity for a Champions League team to build their playing style around you as opposed to being one of a number? Wouldn’t that seem attractive?

Let’s also look at the fact that his partner and child are predominantly based in London. Now, I’m no dad, but I do have a wife. I love my wife and any job that either of us got where we worked abroad would only ever be a short term thing unless the other one followed us out there. I don’t know Cesc’s missus, but from what I’ve heard she ain’t moving anywhere too quickly. So logically if he decided that he wanted to be with them every day of the week, he’d have to move to these here shores, specifically London. Which I’d hope would give us even more cause for optimism that this could happen. Families are very important. They give you stability and love. Cesc has a bit of a dilemma in the he’ll have family in both Barcelona and London, but his closest family (kid) are based here, so it may make the pull to the UK too great.

I said this on Twitter last night and I’ll say it again today: Cesc’s a smart lad. He knows what side his bread is buttered. Right now, it’s buttered in Spain and he wants to keep those that butter it happy. There is no value in him making public statements of disappointment and a desire to leave. we saw that when he left The Arsenal. people talked and talked all summer about him, but he kept quiet, kept his mouth shut and as a result has no animosity from most Arsenal fans. He saves the public declarations for the mercenaries that are trying to get a new contract and a big fat signing on fee. We all know he doesn’t care about money, just football, so that being the case who is best placed to give him that?

Cesc also knows a bit about PR. He knows that he’s a brand. He’s that nice guy that you want in your team. He’s one for the purists. A joy to watch and an exemplary pro off the field (cue scandal breaking in the press now I’ve said that). He has a fanbase in Barcelona and so he needs to say the right things off it. And he’s doing just that. Think back to everything he’s ever said about Arsenal. Always complimentary, always positive, always leaving the door ajar for a return. So now, if he finds himself in a bit of a tight spot and Tito doesn’t show him some faith, he knows he’ll get the red carpet treatment rolled out for him if Barca don’t show him the love. His public statements on the radio push the ball firmly in Tito’s court. If Cesc does leave Barcelona there won’t be too many Catalans that will be calling for his head i don’t think. But there might be some vexation at Villanova for one of their own being sent away.

Chelski thought they could make a song and a dance over Mourhino’s return? Well kids, you ain’t seen nothing yet. If he were to rock up at The Emirates we’d all see the impact he’d have. The club would be buoyed by the return of a prodigal son, the fans will welcome back one of the most creative players we’ve had over the last eight to ten years, plus it would make a clear statement: no more selling of stars, now we buy them and improve the club.

It might be a long summer ahead for us Gooners, but this particular story isn’t going away, as much as the Catalan media would have you believe. There are 75 days before the transfer window shuts. Only two or three of those days will see announcements from Arsenal of signings. Even George Lucas couldn’t string out a series of cult action movies – one for every day of the window – so we just have to wait patiently for the news of players to come.

When it comes to Cesc, the saga may continue, but I have a New Hope.

Until tomorrow.